Unanswered Prayers

Here I am stepping out and doing a post without photos. Sorry if you only like to look at pictures. I have none.

I want to share a small time this past summer that the Lord send a calm in the midst of a hugh storm for my family.

My youngest son, Zac, graduated from High School in June and he also passed the physical and signed up in the Delayed Entry Program of the US Marines. That meant he would be leaving later for basic training and would train here and work up until that time. All was looking good.

He had a job and then a month later, everything changed on one evening.

We had just gone to bed and turned off everything and he and his friend had just left the house to go "jam" with their guitars at another friends house.

All of a sudden the power went out.

It was July 3rd and it was hot.

So, I just layed there thought about how hot it was going to get with the air not working.Then my cell phone rang. It was Zac. "Mah, I just had a wreck, I think my ankles are broken" I thought he was joking because he had just had a small wreck about a week before.

I told him that wasn't funny. And then I heard that tone in his voice. I asked him where they were and they were still in our neighborhood. I said we would be right there.

Well, it was one of those nights where the moon was MIA and we couldn't see anything. I was dropping things and tripping and trying to hurry and the panick was starting to set in.My daughter, Rachel, lives downstairs and she heard the commotion and came up the stairs with a lit candle. Which was a huge blessing. We were able to get dressed and go up the street.

We found Zac and his friend in the front seat of his car which was completely smashed head on into a giant pine tree.

"Lord, help us".

It was a mess. They had hit a transformer and dragged it under the car and it crushed in the floorboard where Zac's feet were. He had no idea when he walked out of the house that night, that he wouldn't be walking again for three months.

Anyway, it was just a very painful scene and though, I was in a constant prayer and communication with the Lord, there were times, I thought I would lose it. He was hurting so bad and couldn't get out of the car and starting to pass out. The ambulance came, took him to the hospital and we met them there and spent the next five days in the hospital. After all the tests it showed he had both ankles broken. One was fractured and the other was crushed all over. It would need surgery. The swelling was enormous and the pain he was in was unspeakable.

That first night, around two am, they put us in a room and everyone else went home to get some rest. It was he and I and the pain just couldn't be managed and not to ever embarass my brave son, but, he was moaning and crying out. And as his mom, I couldn't do one thing to help him. They had a hard time figuring out which medicine to give him and what strength. It was just horrible.

I was trying to say anything to keep his mind off the pain or to distract him. Nothing was working. We both were crying. I was praying and praying and this went for hours.

Helpless. Scared. Sad. What about the Marines? How can he work now? What if the break is so bad he won't walk? All these things going through my mind. In between these thoughts.

Lord, you are in control.

Lord, you knew this would happen.

Lord, you have allowed this.

Lord, calm his heart.

Lord, help him relax.

Lord, we dedicated him to you as a baby, he's in YOUR HANDS.

Help him, Lord!

So, as he wrestled with this new pain. I just sat there and prayed outloud for hours. Finally around six am. I was so exhausted for him and for me and I wanted him to just sleep and he couldn't and it just felt so desparate. But, the Lord put a song in my heart. Zac probably doesn't even remember it. But, I began to softly sing this song that we used to sing at our church. I changed a few words to fit for Zac.

Here's the song;

QUIET MY MIND, LORD

MAKE ME STILL BEFORE YOU

CALM MY RESTLESS HEART, LORD

MAKE ME MORE LIKE YOU

RAISE UP MY HANDS

THAT ARE HANGING DOWN

STRENGTHEN MY FEEBLE KNEES

MAY YOUR LOVE AND JOY ABOUND

FILL ME WITH YOUR PEACE

I sang...

quiet HIS mind, Lord

make HIM still before You
calm HIS restless heart, Lord

make HIM more like You

raise up HIS hands

that are hanging down

strengthen HIS feeble knees

may Your love and joy abound

fill HIM with Your peace

And after singing it through 20 times or more, he relaxed, he took deeper breaths and he fell asleep. Just like when he was a baby. Music and prayer calmed his restlessness. I cried. I cried a lot over the next few months. Watching your baby suffer and struggle equals crying for me. Watching him struggle through the surgery and the very long recovery was just very difficult. I think watching your kids hurt, really does hurt worse than if it was you.

There were many more times during this summer that the Lord just stepped in and calmed and took care of that it's too much to write now but, I just wanted to share one. Those three months of recovery were not easy. There were very dark days but, with Jesus, Zac overcame. He's walking, running, riding a bike. He has a new job that he loves. But, the Marines is in limbo as he has screws and plates in that ankle. But, like the song...Unanswered Prayers, we have confidence that God is directing Zac's steps.

If God anwers your prayers,

He is increasing your faith

If God delays,

He is increasing your patience

If God doesn't answer,

He has something better for you.

Psalm 46:1

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

What Are You Doing New Years Eve

This New Years Eve, I took a ride on my bike through the neighborhood. The weather was perfect and I saw so many beautiful things that I love to look at. Had to take my camera along and shoot some pictures. Probably one of my most favorite things to do. I was thinking a lot, praying, reflecting on this past year and wondering about the new year to come. I thought I would share some thoughts with you. I even took a picture of my shadow. Which proved to be quite a challenge keeping the bike balanced and NOT DROPPING the camera and smiling all at the same time. In 2010, this is the age I became. Never thought I would live to be this old. Ha...I realize now that 4o is the new 13? *smile*

Even in the cold of winter, there are beautiful blooming flowers. All a gift for our eyes from up above. How many times do I pass them by and not give thanks for just the ability to look and enjoy and just take in? Reminds me of Corrie Ten Boom, who while she was locked in a concentration camp in a cold, dark cell. She once was walked to the wardens office and without someone seeing her, stopped and picked some little white flowers and kept them in her cell as God's gift of beauty to her. Everytime I see white flowers I am reminded to be thankful.

I liked the color of this fire hydrant and apparently the ants think it's good enough to build their little home beside.

These pecan trees have been around for years. For some reason, they are just beautiful to me in the winter, with the moss hanging like jeweled necklaces swaying in the breeze. I can just stand there for hours looking at them. You can see balls of mistletoe in the top. I thought about climbing up and getting some down. Thought about it. Didn't do it. Not such a climber these days.

Doesn't this just take you away somewhere? It does me.

I think about how many New Years these trees have seen. Were they here when horse and buggies were traveling by? Like Little House on the Prarie? Then did they see the First Model T Fords go by? Like on the Waltons? And now, the air conditioned cars with TV's inside? I just think about things like this.

And hands down, this is one of my most favorite places to go in the world. This is my solitude . You hear birds, wind, a duck or two, a hoot owl but, no traffic, no horns. This is a great place to talk to the Lord and listen. It's a great place for a picnic lunch. I hope to do more of that next year. It's a great place to catch bream. Another great place for pictures. I am more thankful than I have ever been for the opportunity to go here.

How about the cool colors of everyones boats? I am just learning to look at everything for what's beautiful and not what's wrong. I pray for eyes that see beauty in chaos.

A road covered in leaves like a blanket. Reminds me of the white paper they lay down the aisle for a bride to walk down.

A single red leaf. Just there for me to look at and admire. And then watch the wind fly it away somewhere and hoping someone else will appreciate it's color like I just did.

33. I always think of 33, the age Jesus was when He died on the cross for me. And He gave Himself willingly. They didn't take His life. He gave it. * sigh* He loved me before I even ever was. I can never comprehend that. I can never think about that without crying. And what does He want from me? Just a yielded life to Him. A relationship. Minute by minute communication. Total dependence on Him for everything.

I saw this Yield sign several times today while riding. I heard His gentle voice. His loving and caring voice.

"Jana, yield, give, hand over everything to me. Everything that concerns you, keeps you awake at night, that scares you, that brings you joy, hand it to Me and allow Me to take you into this next year."

And I say.....yes, I need you, Jesus, to be in control of every part of my life.

When I saw these bamboo plants I remember this verse.

A BRUISED REED HE WILL NOT BREAK, AND SMOKING FLAX HE WILL NOT QUENCH; HE WILL BRING FORTH JUSTICE TO TRUTH. Isaiah 42:3

And the truth is, this year has had so many things that have happened, that I feel like a bruised reed. Just discarded and laying there, can't get up on my own but, HE promised me. HE WILL NOT BREAK!!!! He's strengthening me daily and providing for me. HE will not let me fall. HE will be my strength. HE has been my help in time of need. HE is my fortress and refuge. I will praise Him in the good and in the bad.

And I will say for this past year and this coming year....My eyes are upon you.

2 CHRONICLES 20:12

......."FOR WE HAVE NO POWER AGAINST THIS GREAT MULTITUDE THAT IS COMING AGAINST US; NOR DO WE KNOW WHAT TO DO, BUT OUR EYES ARE UPON YOU."

And this is my motto. And my prayer. And my very breath. My eyes are upon my Saviour, the one who gave His very life to die for my sins. And no matter where this year takes me, I am safer in His loving arms in the storm than in smooth waters alone.

Look how tall the bamboo plants grow when they aren't bruised. I see this as a promise to me for the upcoming year. Thanks for reading the reflective side of me. I know it's a shock.